Unmarried home buyers say they are giving priority to a financial foundation over a legal one
4 min
The big wedding can wait. Couples are deciding they would rather take the plunge into homeownership.
In reshuffling the traditional order of adult milestones, some couples may decide not to marry at all, while others say they are willing to delay a wedding. Buying a home is as much, if not more of a commitment, they reason. It helps them build financial stability when the housing market is historically unaffordable.
In 2023, about 555,000 unmarried couples said that they had bought their home in the previous year, according to a Wall Street Journal analysis of Census Bureau data. That is up 46% from 10 years earlier, when just under 381,000 couples did the same.
Unmarried couples amounted to more than 11% of all U.S. home sales. The percentage has climbed steadily over the past two decades—a period in which marriage rates have fallen. These couples make up triple the share of the housing market that they did in the mid-1980s, according to the National Association of Realtors.
To make it work, couples must look past the significant risk that the relationship could blow up, or something could happen to one partner. Without a marriage certificate, living situations and finances are more likely to fall into limbo, attorneys say.
Mark White, 59 years old, and Sheila Davidson, 62, bought a lakeside townhouse together in Newport News, Va., in 2021. But only her name is on the deed. He sometimes worries about what would happen to the house if something happened to her. They have told their children that he should inherit the property, but don’t have formal documentation.
“We need to get him on the deed at some point,” Davidson said.
White and Davidson both had previous marriages, and decided they don’t want to do it again. They also believe tying the knot would affect their retirement benefits and tax brackets.
Couples that forgo or postpone marriage say they are giving priority to a financial foundation over a legal one. The median homeowner had nearly $400,000 in wealth in 2022, compared with roughly $10,000 for renters, according to the Federal Reserve’s Survey of Consumer Finances.
Even couples that get married first are often focused on the house. Many engaged couples ask for down-payment help in lieu of traditional wedding gifts.
“A mortgage feels like a more concrete step toward their future together than a wedding,” said Emily Luk, co-founder of Plenty, a financial website for couples.
Elise Dixon and Nick Blue, both 29, watched last year as the Fed lifted rates, ostensibly pushing up the monthly costs on a mortgage. The couple, together for four years, decided to use $80,000 of their combined savings, including an unexpected inheritance she received from her grandfather, to buy a split-level condo in Washington, D.C.
“Buying a house is actually a bigger commitment than an engagement,” Dixon said.
They did that, too, getting engaged eight months after their April 2023 closing date. They are planning a small ceremony on the Maryland waterfront next year with around 75 guests, which they expect to cost less than they spent on the home’s down payment and closing costs.
The ages at which people buy homes and enter marriages have both been trending upward. The median age of first marriage for men is 30.2, and for women, 28.6, according to the Census Bureau. That is up from 29.3 and 27.0 a decade earlier. The National Association of Realtors reported this year that the median age of first-time buyers was 38, up from 31 in 2014.
Family lawyers—and parents—sometimes suggest protections in case the unmarried couple breaks up. A prenup-like cohabitation agreement spells out who keeps the house, and how to divide the financial obligations. Without the divorce process, a split can be even messier, legal advisers say.
Family law attorneys say more unmarried people are calling for legal advice, but often balk at planning for a potential split, along with the cost of drawing up such agreements, which can range from $1,000 to $3,000, according to attorney-matching service Legal Match.
Dixon, the Washington condo buyer, said she brushed off her mother’s suggestion that she draft an agreement with Blue detailing how much she invested, figuring that their mutual trust and equal contributions made it unnecessary. (They are planning to get a prenup when they wed, she said.)
There are a lot of questions couples don’t often think about, such as whether one owner has the option to buy the other out, and how quickly they need to identify a real-estate agent if they decide to sell, said Ryan Malet, a real-estate lawyer in the D.C. region.
The legal risks often don’t deter young home buyers.
Peyton Kolb, 26, and her fiancé figured that a 150-person wedding would cost $200,000 or more. Instead, they bought a three-bedroom near Tampa with a down payment of less than $50,000.
“We could spend it all on one day, or we could invest in something that would build equity and give us space to grow,” said Kolb, who works in new-home sales.
Owning a place where guests could sleep in an extra bedroom, instead of on the couch in their old rental, “really solidified us starting our lives together,” Kolb said. Their wedding is set for next May.
Homes and weddings have both gotten more expensive, but there are signs that home prices are rising faster. From 2019 to 2023, the median sales price for existing single-family homes rose by 44%, according to the National Association of Realtors. The average cost of a wedding increased 25% over that time, according to annual survey data from The Knot.
Roughly three quarters of couples move in together before marriage, and may already be considering the trade-offs between buying and renting. The cost of both has risen sharply over the past few years, but rent rises regularly while buying with a fixed-rate mortgage caps at least some of the costs.
An $800 rent hike prompted Sonali Prabhu and Ryan Willis, both 27, to look at buying. They were already paying $3,200 in monthly rent on their two-bedroom Austin, Texas, apartment, and felt they had outgrown it while working from home.
In October, they closed on a $425,000 three-bed, three-bath house. Their mortgage payment is $200 more than their rent would have been, but they have more space. They split the down payment and she paid about $50,000 for some renovations.
Her dad’s one request was that the house face east for good fortune, she said. Both parents are eagerly awaiting an engagement.
“We’re very solid right now,” said Prabhu, who plans to get married in 2026. “The marriage will come when it comes.”
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The new Brooklyn Tower, a mix of luxury condos and rentals, rises from the historic Dime Savings Bank building.
3 min
Listing of the Day
Location: Downtown Brooklyn, New York
Price: $16.75 million
Boasting 360-degree panoramic views across New York City, this new 92nd-floor penthouse is the highest residence in Brooklyn.
The full-floor apartment stands atop the new Brooklyn Tower, which encompasses 143 condos and 398 rentals in the heart of downtown Brooklyn, said Katie Sachsenmaier, senior sales director, Corcoran Sunshine Marketing Group.
The condos begin on the 53rd floor, and the penthouses begin on the 88th floor. This one, Penthouse 92, is the only full-floor penthouse.
“The building is coming into its own now,” she said. “It feels very busy when you step into the lobby.”
Developed by Silverstein Properties, the building at 85 Fleet Street rises from the historic Dime Savings Bank building, according to a news release.
It was designed by SHoP Architects with interiors curated by Gachot Studios, and it is the borough’s only super tall skyscraper.
Penthouse 92 features custom interiors by Brooklyn-based Susan Clark of design firm Radnor, Sachsenmaier said. “Her selections have made it really beautiful. It feels very warm and inviting.”
Architectural details include 12-foot ceilings, European white oak floors in a custom honey stain, mahogany millwork, bronze detailing and floor-to-ceiling windows.
The eat-in kitchen features Absolute Black stone countertops, an island with seating, oil-rubbed bronze Waterworks fixtures and integrated Miele appliances, according to the listing.
The primary en suite bathroom showcases large-format Honed Breccia Capraia marble. There is also a separate laundry room as well as a wet bar and a butler’s pantry.
The views are spectacular, Sachsenmaier said. “If you’re standing in the living room, you take in the Statue of Liberty and all the way up through Midtown. On a clear day, you can see the planes take off at LaGuardia (Airport).”
Moving around the apartment, you see south over the harbor and then north and east over the whole city, she said.
From the front door, “you’re immediately greeted with the expansive living room and the view,” she said. “It’s really the first thing you see.”
The primary suite features a dressing room, multiple walk-in closets, two bathrooms (one with a cedar sauna) and southwest-facing windows, Sachsenmaier said. “You get those really beautiful harbour views.
The amenities will be ready by the end of summer, she said. A Life Time club will occupy the entire sixth and seventh floors, and an outdoor pool deck wraps around the dome of the bank building.
Stats
The 5,891-square-foot home has four bedrooms, five full bathrooms and one partial bathroom.
Amenities
Residents will have access to over 100,000 square feet of exclusive indoor and outdoor leisure spaces.
Fitness company Life Time will manage an array of amenities that include a 75-foot indoor lap pool, outdoor pools, a poolside lounge and atrium, a billiards room, a library lounge, a conference room, a theatre with a wet bar, a children’s playground and playroom and limited off-site parking.
The Sky Park offers an open-air loggia with a basketball court, foosball, a playground and a dog run.
Neighbourhood Notes
Downtown Brooklyn is at the centre of a number of neighbourhoods, including Fort Greene, Cobble Hill, Boerum Hill and Brooklyn Heights. The tower has access to 13 subway lines, 11 commuter trains, the city’s ferry network and 22 Citi Bike stations.
“You can walk to Fort Greene Park in less than 10 minutes,” and Dekalb Market Hall, which has a Trader Joe’s, a Target and a food hall, is “right next door,” Sachsenmaier said.
Agent: Katie Sachsenmaier, senior sales director, Corcoran Sunshine Marketing Group
